Hey friend, I know you. At least I think I do.
You did your research and you chose a path and you worked your ass off. You followed the rules and did everything right.
And it doesn’t feel quite like you’d hoped. Not even close.
But this is the path you chose and dammit you want to stick the landing. You’ve trained for this. You’ve spent hours and days and years and money and sweat on this path.
You want to feel better, so you strive and scramble, but the hunger never gets sated. Like a mouse on a wheel you spin without ever arriving.
I know what that feels like. I know what it tastes like. It tastes like lead, heavy and blank, and reeks of “should”.
It doesn’t have to. You can spit it out. You can stop.
You can admit that it sucks and that it has sucked for a long time, and you can choose to surrender. That’s an option.
That option doesn’t come with a gold star or a guarantee. What there is instead is freedom and ease and wide open space. There’s steady breath and a good night’s sleep and the melting of that knot in your throat.
But first — before the surrender and the melting — there’s fear and resistance and panic. I know what that feels like too. It’s like clawing for your life on the edge of a cliff with your fingernails. But when you let go…it’s worth it. You’ll fear you’ll fall to your death but somehow you won’t. You land somewhere soft, in the clear.
Here’s what you learn when you let go: You are not what you do. You are not your resume or Alma Mater or a long list of accomplishments.
You learn that sticking to your guns is highly overrated. They’ve got it wrong; quitters do prosper, and it’s okay to change your mind.
And it’s okay to fall apart. How else will you reassemble your life? You are stronger than you think and you will get through this.
It’s easier than you think, too. I know that’s hard to believe from where you stand now, but freedom comes swiftly and mercifully as soon as you make up your mind.
You can choose to let go.